Ernold Same is on holiday

Dulchester bus appreciation will resume on January 4th.

AM: Data lost.
PM: Home at lunchtime to make mince pies.

AM: A3, 40 minutes. Number 56 came before the 87, took that to the bus station and picked up the 87 from there. The driver of the first bus was dressed as a jester. I recommend the adoption of this costume by Last Buses' timetable compilers.

PM: Data lost.

AM: A1, 39 minutes. Give me something to work with!
PM: B6, 37 minutes. Incredibly quick time, but it was achieved because the 87 was either 5 minutes early or 25 minutes late.

AM: A1, 40 minutes. I wish it could be Christmas traffic every da-a-a-a-y.
PM: C1. Two 87's turned up at the due time, so one of them was 30 minutes late, but I'm giving the benefit of the doubt. We ran into traffic on Ennui Hill, so I jumped off at the 3900-yard point. It was a questionable call, because when my walk rejoined the bus route at the 2600-yard point, there was the 87 alongside me. There was traffic in Norm Station Road, so I kept abreast of the bus till I was beyond the station, when it got past me. I was home in 59* minutes, but the bus was right on time when it disappeared.

AM: A1, 41 minutes. Driver suffused with Christmas spirit. There was so little traffic that we kept having to stop so as not to be too early.
PM: B4. Walked back from bus station voluntarily (Christmas shopping)

AM: A1, 41 minutes. School holidays, light traffic despite the rain, jovial driver. All bus journeys should be like this.

PM: C6, 92* minutes. 87 didn't turn up, indeed no buses turned up, and after half an hour waiting in a freezing wind, I walked down to the 6000-yard point and experimentally caught a 46 into town. Wasted ten minutes waiting at the wrong-direction 56 stop, realised my mistake and walked along to the 3100-yard point, from where a 56 soon took me home. The whole journey took quarter of an hour longer than it would have done to walk.
Worst. Journey. Ever.

AM: C4. 87 seemingly didn't arrive, 56 was full as usual so started walking. In the rain. At the 600-yard point the 87 went past me. That was annoying. But - it got mired in the traffic at Norm Station roundabout, I overhauled it and got on at the 1800-yard point. 62* minutes.

PM: C3. A number 16 appeared which was either 10 minutes early or 20 minutes late. Took it as far as Norm Station Road, where I made a really bad judgement that getting off and walking from the 2300-yard point would be quicker than sitting in the traffic. As soon as I got off, the traffic miraculously cleared, and the bus sped away. Still home in 62* minutes, which is pretty good considering how much walking I had to do.

AM: C1, 47 minutes. Good to see a quick return to form after yesterday.
PM: C6. Number 87 turned up but improperly terminated at the bus station. I heard the driver explain that he was the late-running previous 87 (35 minutes late!) and was obliged to stop at the bus station for further instructions. His calm responses to people's anger were actually quite impressive; he made one bloke restate his passive-aggressive question more politely before he would answer it.
Did some Christmas shopping and walked home, so no timing today.

AM: D6. 87 very uncharacteristically didn't turn up at all, walked down to Norm Station and caught the next 87. 66* minutes.
PM: D6, 87 didn't turn up, caught 47 to bus station, walked to Norm Station and caught a rather crowded 56 home. Not as many people got off the 56 at the station as I'd bargained on. 52* minutes though, which is impressive, because if the 87 stuck strictly to timetable the journey would take 48 minutes.

AM: B1, 41 minutes. Very assertive driver who avoided the queues at the end of Mild Ennui Road by not using the bus lane, and fitted the bus into every available crevice in the traffic, Knight Bus style.
PM: D3, 59 minutes. With no sign of the 87, caught a 77. Distressed woman outlined to the driver the repeated failure of the 87 to turn up over the last few weeks. On Ennui Hill, spotted the 87 coming along in the distance, and transferred to it at the bus station.
Not such a good move, as the traffic was bad, and as we inched along Norm Station Road I wished I'd walked from the bus station and tried for a 56 at Norm Station. It's obviously not the time that's important to me, but whether or not I feel in control of the situation, which I am when I'm walking.

AM: A2, 40 minutes. Jovial driver, light traffic, great time, but unfortunately bus left earlier than it should.
PM: E6. 87 didn't turn up at all, 77 turned up late, got that to the bus station, home in 78* minutes. It would have been just as quick to walk. My last 5 attempts to catch an 87 have now been unsuccessful.

AM: C1, 43 minutes. Unusual traffic in the townward part of Norm Station Road. Kudos to driver for going out of his way to explain to a foreign student the confusing way that 87's going in opposite directions stop at adjacent stops at Norm Station.
PM: B6. 87 didn't turn up again. Took another bus to the bus station, walked to Norm Station and executed the Bordomite Manoeuvre. 57* minutes.

AM: C1, 41 minutes. Driver in a good mood.
PM: Expected trouble from the late night Christmas shopping, so walked home voluntarily - and caught up with class F traffic at the 5300-yard point. On my way into town I passed all 4 buses that had driven past me on the early part of the walk, and at the top of Ennui Hill, another one. Home in 77* minutes, which isn't bad for nearly 4 1/2 miles' walk.

AM: C6, 38 minutes. Excellent time, but bus left 3 minutes early.
PM: C6. Number 87 didn't turn up at all, a number 77 arrived after 22 minutes' wait. Walked angrily home from the bus station, 73* minutes.

AM: D3, 55 minutes. 7 cycles of lights to get onto Norm Station Roundabout.
PM: C5. Number 87 didn't turn up, caught 47 instead, walked from bus station to Norm Station where I was once again able to get on a nice empty number 56 which I'd overtaken while it was stuck in traffic. This is becoming a favourite procedure which, in order to make things sound more exciting, I shall in future refer to as The Bordomite Manoeuvre. And it got me home in 62* minutes.

Ernold Same is on holiday

Ernold Same will resume Dulchester bus appreciation on December 6th.

AM: C1, 42 minutes. Superb. If the evening service was half as good I wouldn't bother keeping this log.
PM: Afternoon off.

AM: C1, 49 minutes. We were unlucky with the lights at Norm Station Roundabout.
PM: B6. Didn't turn up at all, caught next bus, walked home from bus station in 69* minutes.

AM: C1, 45 minutes.
PM: E, walked home voluntarily (noticing traffic tailing back to the 4100-yard point).

AM: B1, 44 minutes. Canonical.
PM: D6. Didn't turn up again, caught a different bus, traffic tailed back to the 3800-yard point, walked home from there in 63* minutes.

AM: B3, 43 minutes. Excellent timing, and the driver was in a good mood. Unfortunately we left rather early.
PM: C3, 47 minutes. Really good run, despite the efforts of the man in Fast Food (Anglia)'s van EU03 HKD to plaster his vehicle along the side of the bus at the Prince Consort roundabout.

AM: B1, 44 minutes.
PM: B6. Bus didn't turn up at all, caught the next one (which was also late) to an appointment I had. Bit of luck walking home later along Norm Station Road, when I spotted a bus stuck in traffic, overtook it, got on at the station and was home 15 minutes early.

AM: C1, 44 minutes.
PM: B6. Usual bus left early, took a (packed) alternative bus to Norm Station and walked from there, 63* minutes.

AM: D1, 51 minutes. Rain, 3 cycles of lights to get round Norm Station roundabout.
PM: B6. Bus didn't turn up at all, caught another one, walked home from bus station. 73* minutes.

AM: B1, 43 minutes. Good going.
PM: Walked home voluntarily, 75* minutes.

AM: D1, 56 minutes. Traffic quite sticky at Norm Station, and again in Norm Station Road.
PM: B2, 44 minutes. Quite good. Morning and evening conditions seem to have reversed themselves today.

AM: C1, 47 minutes. Traffic on Norm Station Road again.
PM: C3, 55 minutes.

AM: C1, 44 minutes. Unusual tailback on Norm Hill.
PM: B1 - walked home voluntarily from the bus station.

AM: F1, 69 minutes. Outrageously bad traffic tailing back up Tedium Road to the 600-yard point. Took so many cycles of lights to get onto Norm Station Roundabout that I lost count. A Mercedes was blocking the entrance to the bus lane in Mild Ennui Road, and my attention was distracted by the ensuing display of class conflict.

PM: B1, 47 minutes. Good average run.

AM: B1, 44 minutes. Tops.
PM: B1, 44 minutes. But at Norm Station I was the last person left on the bus, and the driver enquired as to where I was going. I explained that I wanted to go to the hospital, and we duly continued our journey.

AM - C1, 54 minutes. Rain, 5 cycles of lights to get onto Norm Station Roundabout, unusual traffic going into Dulchester along Norm Station Road, stuck for 5 minutes on the far side of the level crossing. Why is parking allowed in the narrow bit of Grindstedium Road in the rush hour?

PM - C6, 66* minutes. Queen Dull St traffic tailing back to the church, walked home from the 3700-yard point.

AM - D2, 48 minutes. Took 6 cycles of lights to get onto Norm Station Roundabout. I think the lights have been adjusted to change more frequently, though.
If I was in my car I would take the first exit off the roundabout as if I was going to the Average superstore, and come back round the Average roundabout in the outside lane, where there's hardly any traffic. That would leave me a clear path back over the station roundabout and onto the forecourt.

PM - B6, 48 minutes. Not a bad run, but left 3 minutes early.

AM: C2, 45 minutes.

PM: D3, 60 minutes. Driver pulled the reverse trick to Thursday - skipped Norm Station Layby in favour of Forecourt.

AM: C3, 45 minutes. Traffic tailing back from Dulchester Station Roundabout, but no problems getting round it. (All morning door-to-door times from now on are based on a new route involving 2 minutes' extra walking).

PM: C3, 47 minutes. Driver made everyone who wanted to go to Norm Station Forecourt get off at Norm Station Layby. Good news for me, but a cheap trick all the same. There was no traffic at all outside the multi-storey near St Borings. Very odd, after a whole week of X-certificate hold-ups bad enough to make it into the Dulchester Evening Gazette. And traffic has to be very, very bad indeed to make news in Dulchester.

AM: C2, 40 minutes. Driver cunningly avoided the problematic lights on Dulchester Station roundabout by not using the bus lane. We arrived 5 minutes early at the bus station, as was happening during half term. Excellent.

PM: E2, 60 minutes. Traffic in St Boredom St and Norm Hill bad, but surprisingly better from Dulchester Station Road onwards.

AM: E2, 53 minutes. Traffic queuing back from Dulchester Station roundabout all the way to Tedium Road. 3 cycles of lights to get onto the roundabout. Don't shoot the driver though, he is doing his best.

PM: F2, 60* minutes. Traffic queueing back down way down Ennui Hill to the 4200-yard point. Driver correctly suggested we'd be better off continuing on foot, which I did.

AM: C2, 40 minutes. Traffic queuing back from the Dulchester Station roundabout, but light elsewhere.

PM: B1, 40 minutes. Exactly as timetabled. 'Perfection of Bus Journey'. Let's hear it for this afternoon's driver!

Took the morning off, went in after lunch. D3, 54 minutes, but the second bus (the connection) left 6 minutes earlier than it should, which would have been a problem if I'd been meaning to catch it.

PM: Walked home voluntarily. Noticed that the queue of traffic from Queen Dull Street stretched halfway down Ennui Hill, and that no buses went past me, so I give a virtual rating of (E5) for this afternoon.

AM: A3, 35 minutes. Record time due to being able to catch a late-running connection from Dulchester Bus Station. Hence the 3, because although this was good news for me, its regular punters had to wait 7 extra minutes.
PM: A6, 73 minutes. Two buses didn't turn up, this despite going home 1 1/2 hours later than usual. On the plus side, once the bus did arrive, the journey was fast (30 minutes - as timetabled!) and it continued all the way to Dulchester Hospital, which it isn't supposed to do that late at night.

AM: A3, 42 minutes. Although traffic was still at half-term levels, bus was at least 5 minutes late.
PM: B3. Walked home voluntarily from bus station.

AM: A1, dtd 39 minutes.
PM: E4, dtd 65 minutes. 10 minutes late arriving, and horrendous traffic in Dulbourne Street. (Blame for this goes to 'Transco' for their ill-thought-out gridlock-inducing roadworks at the bottom of St. Boring Street.)
Kudos though to the driver for later taking a cunning alternative route along Dulne Bank rather than the traffic-choked Dulchester Station Road.

AM: A1. DTD 38 minutes.
PM: No data (walked home voluntarily).

AM: A1 - DTD 38 minutes.
PM: C6 - bus to Dulchester Station not only arrived 15 minutes late, but improperly terminated early at Dulchester Bus Station. Walked home from there, DTD 69 minutes.

AM: B1, excellent journey, arrived 3 minutes early. DTD time 38 minutes.
PM: C2, some traffic in Queen Dull Street and Dulchester Station Road. DTD 57 minutes.

AM: Class D Type 2 - heavy rain, took 4 cycles of lights to get onto the roundabout at Dulchester Station. Door-to-door time 60 minutes.
PM: Class D Type 6 - first bus didn't turn up, walked home from Dulchester Bus Station as I could see that Queen Dull Street was choked with traffic. Door-to-door time 66 minutes.

Dulchester Bus Journey Ratings

Type 1 = Excellent - Departs and arrives exactly on time, smooth ride, friendly driver, skilful driving, patience with passengers.
Type 2 = Good - Departs on time to within a minute or so.
Type 3 = Acceptable - Departs 5 minutes late, taciturn driver.
Type 4 = Bad - Departs 10 minutes late, jerky ride, hostile driver.
Type 5 = Terrible - Departs 15 minutes late, an abysmal experience altogether.
Type 6 = Transport failure - bus doesn't turn up at all, bus comes too early, bus doesn't stop to let people on, bus stops short of its proper destination, driver refuses ticket.

A Type 6 journey usually results in walking instead, but is so rated even if the passenger is able to complete their journey on a later bus.

Dulchester Traffic Ratings

Class A = Excellent - suspiciously light or fast-moving traffic.
Class B = Better than normal - short queues or moving traffic.
Class C = Usual - queue lengths or traffic speed are as expected.
Class D = Bad - queues longer, progress slower than usual.
Class E = Terrible - enormous queues, excruciatingly slow progress.
Class F = Transport Failure - not moving at all.

Class E traffic makes it as quick, or quicker, to walk. Class F traffic makes it reasonable to abandon your journey.