PM. On time.

I'm fed up with the bus not turning up in the mornings, so I'm walking from now on.

PM. Lift home.

AM. 1 minute late. Kids with music player in back seats, for fuck's sake.
PM. 3 minutes early.

AM. Didn't turn up at all.
PM. 5 minutes early.

AM. 4 minutes late.
PM. 3 minutes early.

AM. 10 minutes late.
PM. On time.

AM. On time.
PM. Walked home as usual.

AM. 1 minute late.
PM. On time despite high winds.

AM. On time.
PM. On time.

AM. On time.
PM. 3 minutes early.

AM. 1 minute late.
PM. 3 minutes early.

AM. On time.
PM. Walked home as usual.

AM. 1 minute early.
PM. On time.

AM. Right on time.
PM. 2 minutes early.

AM. On time.
PM. 2 minutes early.

AM. 4 minutes late.
PM. 3 minutes early.

AM. 6 minutes late.
PM. Walked home as usual.

AM. On time.
PM. On time.

AM. Right on time.
PM. On time.

AM. 4 minutes late.
PM. On time.

PM. On time.

PM. 7 minutes late.

Ernold Same is on holiday

Ernold Same will resume his regular adventures on January 2nd. If I take a bus into town to spend my Christmas money, I'll make a bonus post.

In the mean time, a merry Christmas and a punctual New Year to bus passengers and drivers alike!

AM. 2 minutes late.
PM. Walked home through thick, bright fog.

Caught a bus into town later. It was packed, and I had to sit behind two drunken beggars with a guitar and child's recorder. When I'd finished shopping, I thought it best to walk home.

AM. 8 minutes late.
PM. 2 minutes late. Driven by a female Father Christmas.

AM. 10 minutes late. Very cold and foggy.
PM. Caught the 47 and walked from Boredom Street.

AM. 3 minutes late.
PM. Walked home in the rosy winter dusk.

AM. 4 minutes late. Not bad considering the fog.
PM. On time.

AM. Didn't turn up at all. Walked down to the Quennuis and caught the next one from there.
PM. Sneaked home early on a different bus.

AM. 2 minutes early - missed it. My stop isn't a timing point so I'm prepared to let this one go. Walked very fast down to Tediumsco, caught the 47 and arrived only 5 minutes late.
PM. On time.

AM. 4 minutes late.
PM. 4 minutes late.

AM. Didn't turn up at all. Walked.
PM. On time.

AM. 2 minutes late.

AM. Didn't turn up at all, and the next bus hadn't shown up either 11 minutes after it was due.

So having waited 40 minutes, walked. Abysmal provision.

AM. 9 minutes late.
PM. 8 minutes late (rising to 19 minutes late by the time we reached my destination).

AM. 2 minutes late.
PM. Shown as late on board, so caught 47 and walked.

AM. Right on time.
PM. 1 minute early.

AM. 4 minutes late.
PM. 1 minute early.

AM. 1 minute early.

AM. 5 minutes late.
PM. 1 minute early.

AM. 4 minutes late.
PM. 2 minutes early.

AM. 10 minutes late.
PM. Walked.

AM. On time.

AM. 3 minutes late.
PM. 6 minutes late.

AM. 6 minutes late.
PM. Didn't turn up at all. (Caught the 74 - 10 minutes late - to Boredom Street and walked from there).

AM. 5 minutes late.
PM. 6 minutes late.

AM. Right on time.
PM. Right on time.

AM. 5 minutes late.

AM. In later than usual - caught the 1015, which was 10 minutes late.
PM. On time.

AM. On time.
PM. Caught the 47 and walked from Boredom Street.

AM. On time.
PM. 11 minutes late (indicator board predicted its arrival accurately though).

AM. 6 minutes late.
PM. 5 minutes early (or possibly the previous bus was 15 minutes late). Not a good situation either way.

AM. 6 minutes late.
PM. 11 minutes late.

AM. On time!
PM. One time!

Perfection of bus journey.

AM. 3 minutes late.
PM. Walked home - needed some hooks and screws from Boredom & Quiescence.

AM. 5 minutes late.
PM. 5 minutes late.

AM. 3 minutes late.
PM. Walked home.

AM. 4 minutes late.
PM. (Went home an hour late - and the 16 didn't turn up at all. Had to get an 87 and walk from Boredom Street.)

AM. 5 minutes late.
PM. 11 minutes late.

AM. On time
PM. 7 minutes late. Very full.

AM. 2 minutes late.

AM. 2 minutes late.
PM. On time despite heavy rain.

AM. 2 minutes late
PM. 10 minutes late. Large crowd waiting at stop, who fortunately almost all preferred the 47 and 87 which turned up first.

The 87 appears to be going to Norm Station again. Oh the irony.

Then Ernold Same caught the same bus

but from a different place a lot nearer to his destination.

No more grind back and forth from Sector General and Norm Station for Ernold Same. Freshly moved, I'm sure there'll never be a problem again.

AM. 7 minutes late.
PM. 4 minutes early.

Total chaos down at the bus station the last two days, with Dulchester Borough Council having decided to demolish it so that they can build an art gallery on the site.

That will work, won't it? After all, all the buses and people trying to catch them will just disappear. Oh hold on... we'd better have some sort of half-arsed temporary bus station with no indication of where each service will depart from.

I'm looking forward to the 'visual arts facility' though. It'll have a giant statue of Queen Boudicca holding up a placard with 'IF YOU DON'T DRIVE A CAR, WE DON'T GIVE A TOSS ABOUT YOU' carved on it in huge letters.

'All art is quite useless,' Oscar Wilde told us. 'Particularly for getting one from town to Boredlingsea departing at 0735, 0800, 0830 and at these minutes past the hour thereafter'.

Got to thank the boys from Dulne Football College for enlivening today's journey with farting and yelling 'Ello darlin!' at female passengers, not to mention playing loud music on a phone so cheap that the distortion was actually louder than the signal.

PM. Improper termination at Norm Station, instead of continuing to Sector General. The driver apologised, saying that he hadn't realised I was upstairs. I allowed us both to retain our dignity by pretending that I believed this.

AM. Scaffolding lorry obstructing the traffic in Ennui Street. Good thinking.

PM. Stuck behind a bin lorry in Queen Dull Street for 5 minutes. Why collect rubbish during the rush hour? And why stop your lorry opposite another parked vehicle, so that no-one else can get past?

Latest summary

Ernold Same attempted 43 homeward bus journeys between April 5th and June 13th. The bus arrived at a range of times between 4 minutes early and 17 minutes late (average 2.5 minutes late with a standard deviation of 4.7 minutes).

Once on board, on 6 occasions (14%) he had to abandon his journey on Ennui Hill due to traffic, and walk the rest of the way home.

On the remaining 37 occasions (86%) the journey time ranged between 32 and 62 minutes, average 42 minutes, standard deviation 7 minutes.

Poor old Ernold Same

The early journey is proving too smooth to provide daily opportunities for why-oh-why posts. Dulchester will henceforth be presented as a weekly report.

AM: A1(2,-2). 1 + 1 cycles. 36 minutes.
PM: A1(0,0). 40# minutes (estimate, walked from Tedium Road again)

AM: A1(0,-2). 1 + 1 cycles. 35 minutes.
PM: A1(0,0). 39# minutes (estimate - lovely weather, so got off in Tedium Road).

AM: A1(1,-2). 36 minutes.
PM: A2(3,-4). 34 minutes.

AM: A1(0,0), 1 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: A1(-1,-5). 33 minutes!

AM: A2(1,-2), 1 + 1 cycles. 34 minutes - in heavy rain too. We'll see if this lasts when the schools go back.
PM: A1(-1,0), 40# minutes (estimate - got off in Tedium Road).

AM: A1(-2,-4), 1 + 1 cycles. 34 minutes.
PM: C3(5,6), 46 minutes.

AM: A1(0), 0 + 0 cycles. 34 minutes. Excellent time (and only 2 minutes early at destination).
PM: B3(-2,-3), 36 minutes.

AM: B1(0), 0 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes. Excellent timings from the early run so far. Yes, this is a school holiday week, but last week wasn't.
PM: B1(0), 35# minutes (estimate - got off at Norm Station).

AM: A1(0), 0 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: B1(0), 37 minutes.

AM: A1(0), 1 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: B3(-3,-4) 34 minutes. I can't condone this turning up early (however convenient it is for me personally).

AM: A1(0), 1 + 1 cycles. 38 minutes.
PM: B3(-4,-5) 32 minutes! Incredible record time achieved, as you can see, by turning up 4 minutes early.

AM: A2(3), 0 + 0 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: B3(7,9) 58 minutes.

AM: A3(6), 0 + 0 cycles. 41 minutes.
PM: C3(5), 48 minutes.

Ernold Same is on the other bus

Worn out by hours stuck on the Norm Station Roundabout, Ernold Same has arranged new working times and will now be describing journeys taking place half an hour earlier than previously.

AM: B1(0), 1 + 1 short. 39 minutes.
PM: C4(10), 72* minutes. Number 87 didn't turn up, gambled on catching a 16, which arrived on time, but was 10 minutes late at Norm Station, from where I walked.

AM: E1(0), 57 minutes. 6 + 3 90-second cycles. 'It really is absolutely appalling' HRH Prince Charles
PM: C3(-2), 38 minutes.

AM: C2(4), 44 minutes. 2 + 2 short cycles. Vicky Pollard and friend shrieking in the back seat.
PM: C2(3), 48 minutes. Terrible traffic in Queen Dull Street, OK elsewhere.

AM: B1, 40 minutes. 1 + 1 short cycles.
PM: C3(-2), 48 minutes. Good early part of journey, terrible traffic going down Norm Hill.

AM: B1, 41 minutes. 0 + 2 short cycles.
PM: B1, 39 minutes.

AM: B1, 41 minutes. 0 + 3 short cycles.
PM: A3, 46 minutes.

AM: B1, 45 minutes. 4 + 1 short cycles.
PM: E6, 76 minutes. Bus arrived 21 minutes late, resulting in a journey time only two minutes shorter than walking the whole way would have taken.

AM: E1, 58 minutes. 6 + 1 cycles. 'Welcome return to form' Rubbish Transport Policy Monthly
PM: A1, 47 minutes.

AM: E1, 58 minutes. 8 + 3 cycles. 'Superbly poor - a brilliant triumph of inadequacy' Rubbish Transport Policy Monthly
PM: A1, 39 minutes. 'Appallingly good. Punctuality like this renders rubbish transport policy impossible' Rubbish Transport Policy Monthly

AM: B1, 43 minutes. 1 + 0 cycles.
PM: C5, 51 minutes. Kudos to driver though, for helping bloke with pushchair unload bags from bus.

Ernold Same is on holiday

AM: C1, 48 minutes. 2 + 3 cycles - first lot short, second lot long. Another blizzard too.
PM: B4, 63* minutes. Number 87 didn't turn up, walked from bus station.

AM: D6, 45 minutes. 4 cycles - missed out Norm Station, hence the '6'. Not a bad time otherwise, considering a blizzard started when we reached the bus station.
PM: A1, 36 minutes. Best. Journey. Ever.

AM: C3, 48 minutes. 1 + 2 cycles - once again back to 30 seconds red. Do the short red phases make the traffic better - or are the phases set to short because the traffic is better?
PM: D2, 48 minutes. '2' rating due to early departure. Terrible traffic in Norm Station Rd again.

AM: E3, 68 minutes. 6 + 4 cycles. X-certificate traffic at Norm Station, with red phase as long as 102 seconds on some cycles.
PM: D6, 52 minutes. Missed out Norm Station.