Got to thank the boys from Dulne Football College for enlivening today's journey with farting and yelling 'Ello darlin!' at female passengers, not to mention playing loud music on a phone so cheap that the distortion was actually louder than the signal.

PM. Improper termination at Norm Station, instead of continuing to Sector General. The driver apologised, saying that he hadn't realised I was upstairs. I allowed us both to retain our dignity by pretending that I believed this.

AM. Scaffolding lorry obstructing the traffic in Ennui Street. Good thinking.

PM. Stuck behind a bin lorry in Queen Dull Street for 5 minutes. Why collect rubbish during the rush hour? And why stop your lorry opposite another parked vehicle, so that no-one else can get past?

Latest summary

Ernold Same attempted 43 homeward bus journeys between April 5th and June 13th. The bus arrived at a range of times between 4 minutes early and 17 minutes late (average 2.5 minutes late with a standard deviation of 4.7 minutes).

Once on board, on 6 occasions (14%) he had to abandon his journey on Ennui Hill due to traffic, and walk the rest of the way home.

On the remaining 37 occasions (86%) the journey time ranged between 32 and 62 minutes, average 42 minutes, standard deviation 7 minutes.

Poor old Ernold Same

The early journey is proving too smooth to provide daily opportunities for why-oh-why posts. Dulchester will henceforth be presented as a weekly report.

AM: A1(2,-2). 1 + 1 cycles. 36 minutes.
PM: A1(0,0). 40# minutes (estimate, walked from Tedium Road again)

AM: A1(0,-2). 1 + 1 cycles. 35 minutes.
PM: A1(0,0). 39# minutes (estimate - lovely weather, so got off in Tedium Road).

AM: A1(1,-2). 36 minutes.
PM: A2(3,-4). 34 minutes.

AM: A1(0,0), 1 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: A1(-1,-5). 33 minutes!

AM: A2(1,-2), 1 + 1 cycles. 34 minutes - in heavy rain too. We'll see if this lasts when the schools go back.
PM: A1(-1,0), 40# minutes (estimate - got off in Tedium Road).

AM: A1(-2,-4), 1 + 1 cycles. 34 minutes.
PM: C3(5,6), 46 minutes.

AM: A1(0), 0 + 0 cycles. 34 minutes. Excellent time (and only 2 minutes early at destination).
PM: B3(-2,-3), 36 minutes.

AM: B1(0), 0 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes. Excellent timings from the early run so far. Yes, this is a school holiday week, but last week wasn't.
PM: B1(0), 35# minutes (estimate - got off at Norm Station).

AM: A1(0), 0 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: B1(0), 37 minutes.

AM: A1(0), 1 + 1 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: B3(-3,-4) 34 minutes. I can't condone this turning up early (however convenient it is for me personally).

AM: A1(0), 1 + 1 cycles. 38 minutes.
PM: B3(-4,-5) 32 minutes! Incredible record time achieved, as you can see, by turning up 4 minutes early.

AM: A2(3), 0 + 0 cycles. 37 minutes.
PM: B3(7,9) 58 minutes.

AM: A3(6), 0 + 0 cycles. 41 minutes.
PM: C3(5), 48 minutes.

Ernold Same is on the other bus

Worn out by hours stuck on the Norm Station Roundabout, Ernold Same has arranged new working times and will now be describing journeys taking place half an hour earlier than previously.

AM: B1(0), 1 + 1 short. 39 minutes.
PM: C4(10), 72* minutes. Number 87 didn't turn up, gambled on catching a 16, which arrived on time, but was 10 minutes late at Norm Station, from where I walked.

AM: E1(0), 57 minutes. 6 + 3 90-second cycles. 'It really is absolutely appalling' HRH Prince Charles
PM: C3(-2), 38 minutes.

AM: C2(4), 44 minutes. 2 + 2 short cycles. Vicky Pollard and friend shrieking in the back seat.
PM: C2(3), 48 minutes. Terrible traffic in Queen Dull Street, OK elsewhere.

AM: B1, 40 minutes. 1 + 1 short cycles.
PM: C3(-2), 48 minutes. Good early part of journey, terrible traffic going down Norm Hill.

AM: B1, 41 minutes. 0 + 2 short cycles.
PM: B1, 39 minutes.

AM: B1, 41 minutes. 0 + 3 short cycles.
PM: A3, 46 minutes.

AM: B1, 45 minutes. 4 + 1 short cycles.
PM: E6, 76 minutes. Bus arrived 21 minutes late, resulting in a journey time only two minutes shorter than walking the whole way would have taken.

AM: E1, 58 minutes. 6 + 1 cycles. 'Welcome return to form' Rubbish Transport Policy Monthly
PM: A1, 47 minutes.

AM: E1, 58 minutes. 8 + 3 cycles. 'Superbly poor - a brilliant triumph of inadequacy' Rubbish Transport Policy Monthly
PM: A1, 39 minutes. 'Appallingly good. Punctuality like this renders rubbish transport policy impossible' Rubbish Transport Policy Monthly

AM: B1, 43 minutes. 1 + 0 cycles.
PM: C5, 51 minutes. Kudos to driver though, for helping bloke with pushchair unload bags from bus.

Ernold Same is on holiday

AM: C1, 48 minutes. 2 + 3 cycles - first lot short, second lot long. Another blizzard too.
PM: B4, 63* minutes. Number 87 didn't turn up, walked from bus station.

AM: D6, 45 minutes. 4 cycles - missed out Norm Station, hence the '6'. Not a bad time otherwise, considering a blizzard started when we reached the bus station.
PM: A1, 36 minutes. Best. Journey. Ever.

AM: C3, 48 minutes. 1 + 2 cycles - once again back to 30 seconds red. Do the short red phases make the traffic better - or are the phases set to short because the traffic is better?
PM: D2, 48 minutes. '2' rating due to early departure. Terrible traffic in Norm Station Rd again.

AM: E3, 68 minutes. 6 + 4 cycles. X-certificate traffic at Norm Station, with red phase as long as 102 seconds on some cycles.
PM: D6, 52 minutes. Missed out Norm Station.

AM: C1, 52 minutes. 3 + 1 cycles.
PM: B4, 47 minutes.

AM: A3, 40 minutes. 1 cycle (on board a 56 - transferred to late-running 87 at Norm Station).
PM: B1, 42 minutes.

AM: A1, 39 minutes. 1 + 1 cycles. Great (super).
PM: C3, 44 minutes. Bus arrived early, which, given the snow, was welcome, but we have to be impartial.

AM: B1, 40 minutes. 1 + 1 cycles. This despite an inch of snow - snow must have a much smaller effect than half-term. Very impressive.
PM: Lift home.

AM: A1, 39 minutes. 0 + 0 cycles. It is half-term, I checked.
PM: B3, 49 minutes.

AM: A1, 44 minutes. 1 + 1 cycles. Must be half-term.
PM: A3. No number 87, got on 74 and took opportunity to complete an appointment in town.

AM: B2, 47 minutes. 0 + 1 cycles, but change of driver at the bus station slowed us down.
PM: C3, 64* minutes. 87 didn't turn up, caught 67 to Dulchester Bus Station, walked across town and got 76 to Sector General.

AM: B1, 43 minutes. 4 + 1 cycles (short ones - 30 seconds red).
PM: I was late getting to the bus stop. 47 and walk, 69* minutes.

AM: A2, 43 minutes. 1 + 0 cycles.
PM: B3. Appointment in town.

AM: D5, 64 minutes. 6 cycles (on board a 56). The 87 was 25 minutes late so I took a 47 from Dulchester Bus Station.
PM: B1, 40 minutes.

AM: B1, 42 minutes. 0 + 1 cycles. Excellent run.
PM: B1, 43 minutes. Nothing to see here.

AM: C1, 47 minutes. 1 + 2 cycles.
PM: B1, 43 minutes.

AM: B1, 42 minutes. 2 + 2 cycles (green 17-23, red 69-77).
PM: B1, 41 minutes. Bizarrely good journey despite rain, which normally causes chaos.

AM: C1, 47 minutes. 3 + 1 cycles (73-76 seconds red). Green phase varying too, from 16-23 seconds - I suspect that these lights are linked to another set at the next roundabout.
PM: C3, 55 minutes*. 87 didn't turn up, got 47 to bus station, walked across town and caught 76 from there.

AM: C1, 51 minutes. 6 + 2 cycles - long (65-80 seconds red). Interesting to see that the red phase is variable length. Green appears reasonably static at about 23 seconds.
PM: C1, 45 minutes.

AM: B1, 44 minutes. 1 + 2 cycles. Short cycles today (30 seconds red).
PM: B1, 45 minutes.

AM: D2, 51 minutes. 6 + 2 cycles. For info, the 'long' cycle length is around 75 seconds red, 20 seconds green.
PM: C4, 54 minutes.

Ernold Same is in hiding

All posts after today are subject to an update delay.

AM: E2, 61 minutes. 6 + 4 cycles. Appalling traffic at Norm Station.
PM: B4, 67 minutes*. 87 didn't turn up, got 47 to bus station, walked from there.

AM: D6, 50 minutes. 7 cycles, missing out Norm Station and getting a '6' as a result. You've got to play the game, or there is no point to any of this.
PM: C2, 48 minutes.

AM: D1, 50 minutes. 1 + 1 cycles. Bad traffic in Norm Station Road.
PM: D3, 54 minutes*. Gambled by getting on a 77, only to have the 87 overtake us. Caught the 76 from town, got stuck in traffic on Norm Station Road again.

AM: D1, 49 minutes. 1 + 2 cycles. Three people talking very loudly in Turkish the whole way.
PM: D1, 54 minutes*. Caught late-running 16 as far as Norm Station, walked home from there. I noticed the 87 ahead of us at one point, so I'm giving a '1' for timeliness.

AM: B1, 46 minutes. 0 + 0 cycles. Impressive Norm Station performance; less impressive display of incompetent lorry manoeuvring in Hohum Road led to unexpectedly poor final time.
PM: Walked home from appointment in town.

AM: D2, 58 minutes. 6 + 3 cycles.
PM: F3, 81 minutes. Appalling traffic. Got out at the 2600-yard point and walked home, alongside backed up traffic all the way, right up to Sector General. Ceefax said that an accident on the bypass had led to traffic coming through the town. Second worst journey ever - 3 minutes slower than walking all the way would have been - but I find Last Buses not guilty in this instance.

AM: B1, 46 minutes. 1+ 2 cycles.
PM: B5. Stopped off for appointment in town, walked home from there.

AM: D1, 50 minutes. 6 + 2 cycles - oddly the first set were the short length, the second the long length.
PM: B3, 49 minutes.

AM: C3, 52 minutes. 1+1 cycles. Snow shower at 7.45am: I expected this to throw Dulchester's roads into chaos, but there have been much worse journeys than this.
PM: B1, 40 minutes. Nothing to see here.

AM: B3, 41 minutes. 1 + 1 cycles. Came a couple of minutes early.
PM: B4, 69* minutes. No. 47 came first, got on that only to see 87 coming along in the distance. Could have got on that at the bus station but decided to get some exercise and walk home.

AM: C1, 53 minutes. 2 + 2 cycles. Rush-hour parking in Grindstedium Road still not helping.
PM: B1, 37 minutes. Just as timetabled. Exemplary.

AM: B1, 41 minutes. 1+1 cycles.
PM: Walked home from the doctor's.

AM: D1, 52 minutes. 3 + 3 cycles.
PM: C1, 43 minutes. Pretty good for a rainy evening.

AM: D2, 52 minutes. 3 + 1 cycles of lights.
PM: D1, 52 minutes. Heavy rain didn't help matters.

AM: B1, 41 minutes.
PM: Walked home from dentist. No data. And ow.

AM: C1, 48 minutes. 5 cycles of lights to make our first circuit of Norm Station roundabout, 3 cycles to make the second. Back to the short frequency now though.
PM: B1, 37 minutes. All together now in the best American accent you can manage: Hail to the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver...

AM: Walked into town to see optician. No data.
PM: B6, 42 minutes. Driver drove straight past the stop where I wanted to get off. He went right on to Sector General and I had to walk back from there.
Regular visitors to Dulchester will know that I cut the drivers a lot of slack, but this behaviour gets an automatic 6 now and in future!

AM: E1, 61 minutes. Appalling traffic tailing back from Norm Station into Tedium Road, and then 5 cycles of lights to get round the roundabout. The cycle length seems to have been adjusted back to the long duration.

PM: B3, 49 minutes.

AM: D4, 49 minutes. Bus arrived late, and we missed out Norm Station, but we made up time well after that.

PM: B1, 40 minutes. If we hadn't got stuck behind a sludge-gulper at the 400-yard point I think we'd've made a record run.

AM: D4, 64* minutes. 87 didn't seem to be coming, so started walking down to Norm Station, only to have the bus go past me. Doh! Caught the next 87 from the station.

PM: C4, 62* minutes. No 87 at the appointed time, but a 16 came along on time. Took it to Norm Station.

AM: Walked again, to see dentist again.
PM: A1, 38 minutes.

AM: Walked into Dulchester to see dentist.
PM: A1, 38 minutes. The Incredible Journey.

AM: A1, 40 minutes. Good start to the year.
PM: C1, 55 minutes.